Crossing the Bridge handout

Crossing the Bridge exercise is from the work of Hedy Schleifer, a couples’ therapist from Israel.  I would highly suggest watching her YouTube video about the process.

Sit across from your partner, facing each other. Begin by connecting with your own body. Feel your seat where you’re sitting. Feel your feet. Breathe.

Choose one person who will share first and one person who will reflect first.

The person sharing will share 3 things:

  • Something that’s great
  • something that’s a challenge
  • and something you’re grateful for

Instead of just having each person take a turn, pause and the listener will reflect what they heard the sharer say. Pay attention to facial expressions, tone of voice, and whatever else you notice and reflect that back to the person sharing.  When the listener is finished reflecting, say, “Have I got you?”

If it felt right, say yes. If it wasn’t quite right, you can say, “Almost. What I really need you to hear is…” Sometimes the person may have reflected exactly what you said, but as it is heard back, you need to clarify something.

Then switch.

Share with each other what the experience was like for you after you’ve both had a turn to share. How is this different than most of the ways you normally share something? How does this feel?